Grateful Dead
Dead or Alive Paradise
When the original Dead or Alive: Xtreme Volleyball debuted on the Xbox, it was able to rely on the horsepower of the system to sell the severely disproportionate babes as attractive women you creepily leered at, as they sprawled out on the beach. On the PSP, it’s an entirely different matter. Thanks to inadequate hardware and small screen size, the ladies of Dead or Alive Paradise come out looking like jumble of their former selves (although wonky boob physics are probably intact). That would be fine, but the fact that the mini-games feel robotic and lacks any online infrastructure to expand the experience beyond what is offered at UMD condemn this one to purgatory.
The story of Dead or Alive Paradise really does not matter in the grand scheme of things, but designers at Tecmo have taken a connector to offer a form of narrative. You select one of the Ten Dead or Alive vixens who then travel to New Zack Island for a two-week stay. When you arrive at your tropical vacation you are offered a handful of core activities: There are three casino games (blackjack, slots and poker), you can take pictures of the ladies as they lounge around, you can play volleyball, a mini-game poolhopping and there are some ancillary and wholly arbitrary gift giving between your character and other island-goers.
It may sound like there is plenty to do, but the monotony by alternating between island locations, loading screens and short and not-so-sweet activities become stale quickly. It may help if the island provided entertainment delivered in a functional and more importantly, fun way. The volleyball robot sensor and a little repellent, voyeur-style photography is not as heart pounding as it should be given to poorly designed candy you allegedly stared at. The best activity is pool hopping, but it is short and requires too many loading screens to ensure a sustainable enjoyment. The trio of casino gambling does not pose much at all and give gifts feels too much like a failed social experiment with artificial intelligence.
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The one concession I would make is that pre-17-year-olds may be able to find a guilty pleasure in Dead or Alive Paradise cheeky nature and ridiculous boob physics. I could certainly picture a young high school students gather and ogling the PSP screen newfound curves thanks DOA Paradise, but this in no way makes it a good game.Maybe if you could have created your own girl and then traded gifts with your friends online, but nothing of this kind is included.
I can sing a slightly different tune, if in-game character models were not quite as jaggy and featured more general details or the loading screen was not quite so widespread.The sound does not help at all as cheesy techno track on repeat populate the menu screens. Dialogue is limited to the usual shrill celebratory exclamation that becomes grating in a hurry.
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